Posts from — September 2011
10 years ago
we were innocent
we thought we were invincible
we went to work that morning probably thinking it was like most work-day mornings, unless we took a moment to notice that it was a beautiful, crisp, September morning
we drank our coffee or our tea or our smoothies and began our days
maybe we told our family we loved them, maybe we just started our day and figured those “love yous” could wait, after all, it was just another morning
just another morning to go into our routines, to perhaps walk too quickly to notice how pretty the sky was
just another day to try and make money, to tell our friends, we’re too busy to hang out or maybe not, just another day to try and make it
certainly in downtown nyc, it was just another morning for me
until a call came through on my phone from a client, but as she was starting to talk about i don’t remember what, she told me a plane had struck the world trade center
i hung up, not realizing it would be days before my phone worked again
and ran to the roof to watch the towers burning
it was no longer just another morning when i woke up my neighbors demanding they come and look, mostly to make sure that i was not dreaming
and regardless of the fact that some of those neighbors and i didn’t like each other much, we all stood together and watched in shock in horror
it was no longer just another morning, when i watched twinkling silver cards flow out from the tower and then in one gush it simply imploded in front of us, i then heard the strangest sound i’ve ever heard
an eerie whale-song kind of sound of thousands and thousands people screaming in shock for as far as the ear could hear
it was no longer just another morning
when i noticed a man who lived downstairs, who had always disliked me and the feeling was mutual place his hand on my shoulder in kindness
it was no longer just another morning
when we stood on our roof and understood together that we watched the death of thousands of people and that some of those flecks spitting out from the tower where probably much more then metal
10 years ago, i didn’t say i love you very often to people i love
10 years ago i preferred to make people laugh then make them think
i started writing my blog a week before 911 and it was supposed to be a funny rant sort of Fran Leibowitz style
i wrote one post about how i hated quiet and when it was too quiet
i felt like a thousand bankers were sitting on me
i sent it to my editor the wonderful nancy who held my hand often then and over the years
and when the planes struck the towers and she posted it for me
she wondered if it might be an eerie last word from her friend
it would be two years before i felt like being funny again
and even now i see laughter as a way to soothe the heart and open the mind
not just as blind, maybe you might like me if i crack you up, entertainment
so here we are
listening to the names being read
and taking inventory of who we are today
and how much we have changed
i am deeper, stronger, kinder then i was
who are you today?
how have you changed?
today 10 years later i still feel no sense to that terrible day
such a waste
such a lost
such a horror
but the silver lining and perhaps the only silver lining
was the bravery and kind-ness and self-less ness that came afterwards
10 years later
i still remember the smell
the strange ash in the air
the feeling that every moment was frozen in time
and i know now
that we really only have this moment
this moment right now that we are living in
we can never assume that tomorrow will always be there
and so we must live our life, not postpone it
it’s a beautiful crisp morning
but this is not a morning i will take for granted
please go out and tell someone today
that you love them
smell the air
and walk softly as you go
it’s a sacred day
you’re a sacred person
we all are
September 11, 2011 3 Comments
So here we are in September
September has always been a loaded month for me
Growing up the first day of September also announced the dreaded end of summer vacation and beginning of school. Depending on my age that was either a good thing or a terrible thing. 7th and 8th grade..terrible thing. High school – rock on.
In my 20-something era, September meant the sad end to my favorite time of year; summer. Being a life-long beach and sun worshipper end of summer meant end of Shangri-La. But then as I entered my 30’s something changed. I began to cherish the cleansing feeling of the approach of fall. The smell in the air of not so much the end of one season but the beginning of the other. I began to understand what so many before me have understood that fall is magical, but early fall when you get the fading warmth of summer and the gorgeous beckoning breeze of fall is simply delicious.
Then life happened. It was in September that I lost the most memorable, person I have ever known, my larger-then-life mom. It is in September that I go to “Shul” mostly to please her, for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year and the beginning of the days of awe, our time of introspection, forgiveness and growth.
And of course, it was on that one crisp, perfect, magical morning that I stood on my roof and watched the world trade center burn and fall.
It was in September that the images that will probably be tattooed inside my eyes for the rest of the life were impressed; the orchestra quartet who set up to play with the dust falling around them to cheer on the first responders, the eyes of the police man who’s fingers were covered in cuts and burns, as I handed him his food. He looked haunted and vacant. The fireman I gave a chilled gator-ade too, who thanked me like I was a hero, when he was the one who was going into the still burning hole to look for fallen comrades. The army rabbi who blew the shofar in front of buildings that were still unstable for the small group who had chosen ground zero as their holy place for Rosh Hashanah and I still feel so blessed to have been amongst them, honored to be included in a group of such self-less brave kind people.
And so it is again September. The 10 year anniversary of 911 approaches, the need to buy a white candle for my mother’s yahrtzeit approaches, the beckoning of Rosh Hashanah calls once again but also today is a sunny magical morning filled with promise in which I will celebrate a new gift to fall in September, an anniversary.
Today I choose to remember once again the call of fall, the wonder of the last days of summer and the gift of opening up to new loves and new adventures.
September will probably always be for me the month to remember what was lost, but perhaps it can now hold equal ground as the month to celebrate what we have to be grateful for.
September 4, 2011 Comments Off