yesterday
on a gorgeous, cold but sunny afternoon
i took a walk,
i walked east to the river and then all the way down to south street seaport
from there i headed west and found myself
at ground zero
or rather the ground zero of today which, now, cleaned up and ready to rebuild
looks like a really large construction site
with a lot of tourists
until you think about what used to be there
but for me,
no matter how cleaned up
i still see it
as i did on Sept 16th 2001
in a snow storm of dust
the air so thick with white and gray powder you could eat it
if you opened your mouth, like snow, but you dared not to
because everyone knew besides the metal and the paper and the various construction materials and lord knows what else
that thousands of people were also in that dust
in the eerie horror
i found such kindness and love
strength and bravery
that to this day i know
the time in my life when i felt the most alive
and the closest to god
was then

yesterday i walked into St Paul's church
home of where we'd set up our grills and tables
to feed the crews
the many banners, children's letters and countless tributes of love
and thanks to the rescue crews were gone
replaced with slide shows and some designated areas of photo displays
honoring the podiatrists, masseuses and other great volunteers who had set up shop to help however they could

i walked thru the 2 hundred plus year old graveyard in back
and remembered in an instant how it had looked full of paper and debree
from the towers
but here it stood still
these colonial grave stones unharmed except for the ravages of two hundred years of rain and snow wearing them away

how amazing that this wondrous old church
had survived without a single broken window
with the towers right in its back yard

when i arrived to St Pauls on Sept 16th 2001
it was not about Christian or Jewish or Moslem or any relgion
it was about love, bravery and kindness

On September 19th 2001
i was part of the most miraculous moment of judaism
when an army rabbi blew the shofar for myself and several other jewish volunteers to honor the first rosh hashanah at ground zero

and so while volunteering with seaman's church who had set up the relief
tables in front of st paul's church
i wound up coming a little closer to my jewish-ness then i ever had before

yesterday i walked away from St paul's and it all came back
the smells the sounds
the impossible visions imprinted forever inside my eyes
and i walked uptown
a little slower
and little softer
only this time
i stopped to give money to the homeless man begging
and did not ignore him
as i have of late
i am ashamed to admit

we must
we must
we must remember
always to be kind