Friday, August 29
ok here's where i go with my real deal honesty
hillary clinton's speech
this woman should be president
but she did
and her speech was so moving that im quite sure
i watched obama's speech last night
i like that he gave a strong speech
hillary put 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling
but in my heart
i'll get over it
but i haven't warmed up to him yet
mccain had always been the republican i disliked the least
i also would have really felt so much happier if Obama had picked Clinton as his VP
while i don't know what i feels like to be an african american
as a woman i wanted to see that too
the time for the white male is the only answer rule is clearly over
sadly neither candidate seems like a particularly good friend to gay marriage
i do hope the we are all equal mentality will carry over to gay americans
i dream of a day when gay and straight americans
Sunday, August 24
I put up a shortened version of this rant some years back
My friends call me the quintessential
Yes, I admit I moved here from Jersey when I was 16, but honey trust me, after 27 years, I’m as hard core a New Yorker as they come, besides no one in New York City is actually from NYC..well okay a few, but they’re as rare as nice lawyers.
Here’s why the whole quintessential tag comes in, because I’m….
Jewish- spiritually, culturally but umm I actually only actually drag my butt or shall I say tuchas into a synagogue 2 to 3 times a year on the high holdays and then only because I have a terrible fear of forgetting how to read to Hebrew which I had to suffer through 13 years of Hebrew school to get down and well ya know just in case any of this stuff turns out to be true. So yea, I’m what they call a high holiday jew. I know all the rules. A NYC bagel is never spread with cream cheese. It is given a shmear. It is illegal to eat smoked salmon on a bagel without a slice of red onion, optional but still recommended is the slice of tomato too. Kosher pastrami is always better then non-kosher and must always be eaten on rye bread with mustard. Only a tourist, not to mention a gentile would eat pastrami on white bread or with mayo.
Neurotic- I have no idea why they say this maybe they have a tumor from the dust mites in their apartments crawling into their brain. I do feel that negative energy can be sucked in by your air conditioner, so it’s important to keep the filter clean. No way to know how many serial killer coodys might have been sucked in by your AC.
Fast- well I would explain this to you but I just don’t have the time.
Bitchy- screw you if you don’t think so.
Eccentric- what you find something weird about orange sneakers and black leather as dinnerware? Depends on where you go to dinner now doesn’t’ it. I personally like to dine in trailer park cuisine establishments. I also like to continue with a long family tradition and talk to dead relatives. Sue me if you don’t like it.
Cool- well of course darling- that’s firmly established- sexy too if I do say so myself. For years I used to skulk around the west village smoking cigars and humming 70’s rock classics what could be cooler then that? Oh right that goes in the eccentric folder.
Color blind- the color wheel for clothing consists of black, grey, olive and blue only as a jean..anything else except of course for orange sneakers is an atrocity. Saffron was only recently allowed into the Manhattan color wheel but it must always be offset by black and or beige.
Schizoid- well listen the writer side of me is busy right now and later on the painter side is busy and after that the chef side is busy call me later when im feeling like a therapist.
Ambitious- cause if you want to live in Ma-Ha-Tan..you need to bring in the green..
Cheesy- my good pal from Miami pointed out- she’d never seen so much cheese consumed as the time she visited my soiree but it’s a thing wine and cheese for all occasions.. this is up there with two other nyc traditions- Chinese delivery food at midnight and cold hangover pizza for breakfast.. I took hanging with a flordian for me to realize how much cheese a typical Manhattanite devours, but hey, every culture has its cuisine. New Yorkers just happen to have about 50 of them.
War torn- lemme tell you bout Crown Heights in 1981 baby—if the muggers didn’t get ya the wild dogs would---. These days there are two kinds of New Yorkers, pre-911 or post 911. Pre 911 New Yorkers remember what the city used to be like when it was rough. We don’t miss the crime but we do miss the edge. We remember when Union Square park was a sea of heroin, when Time Square was sex and sin square. We watched front row, when those bastards attacked our towers, we were out there with shovels, and thermometors, giving blood, feeding the fire workers, digging out body parts, doing whatever it took. We don’t say it out loud, but pre-911 New Yorkers largely consider post 911 New Yorkers to be pussies.
Tough- f-you, your mother, your mother’s mother and your mothers fathers mother!
Charming- yo mo fo forgetaboutit
Loyal-yo, don’t mess with my pal, she’s my sister and you mess with my sister you mess with me mo fo
Excellent traffic curser- you prickless prick, move your f-ing ass, mo fo bastard!
And lastly and mostly-
1) Do not ask anyone for directions between the hours of 8:00 and 9:00 AM or 5 and 6:00. PM As the mass 9 to 5ers enroute to or from work will trample you like a hord of elephants to an imposing ant, for daring to slow them down in either of these lethal directions. If you simply must ask during this dreaded time frame then for the love of god do not do so, while standing in the way of a subway entrance or a taxi cab. You’ll be way dead. Ask a cop, they’re paid to be annoyed.
2) Put away your pretty colorful clothing especially anything with pink in it and just wear a variety of shades of black and blue. Colorful clothing are offensive to the New Yorkers eyes. They are the reason why so many of us have to wear sun-glasses even at night. You can actually cause a hardened new Yorker to go blind with the right blend of fuchia.
3) Try to learn how to speak in short sentences that last no longer then one or two seconds. New Yorkers have an internal drum beat in their head that causes their brains to explode if they have to listen to a statement that takes longer then two heart beats to say. I myself have almost succumbed many a time to this fate. Its why I avoid the mid-west.
4) Sell your home, your car, your IRA plan, cash in your stocks and bonds, empty out your bank account, sell your jewelry and then maybe you’ll have enough for a down payment on a studio apartment on a 6th floor walk up, sold as a fixer upper in Chinatown.
5) Do not ever go to a bar or restaurant and snap your fingers to get your waiter’s attention, or worse yet, yell yoo hoo. Should you get the waiter’s attention after this, they will most likely spit in your food. Little side note here..New York is a heavy spitting community. We recognize spit as an exclamation point to a sentence. Yo she was so nasty I wouldn’t tap that if you paid me. Followed by a big hocking spit.
6) Houston Street is pronounced HOWSTON, not Hu ston.
7) When taxis have their off duty light on this means they are really on duty but don’t want to leave Manhattan. If you manage to flag them down don’t tell them you’re going to Brooklyn, they will just drive away. Say you’re going downtown. Then when you get in the cab, say Downtown Brooklyn. While this will get you the cab it may also get you killed. To soften the blow immeditately offer the driver a 20 buck tip.
8) Speaking of tips, if you can’t afford to tip 20% you shouldn’t be in the restaurant. This is one of the most expensive cities in the friggen universe and the service industry works on tips. If you’re bill is a hundred bucks you better be throwing down a twenty honey or just dine on hot dog carts and Korean deli salad bars that’s about as real a NY cuisine as you get anyway.
9) Oh my lovely pal M learned this the hard when, when he came here from Europe. When a New Yorker asks, How are you? They don’t really want to know. First of all the very fact that they can’t take the time to say How Are You and instead ask Howaya? Is a giveway. M spent the first few months he was in NYC horrifying people by actually taking the time to say, well today I’m fine, but yesterday not so good as the poor Nyer who had asked him, turned bright red and began the process of imploding. If you don’t want to dole out annurisms like candy. Just answer with the appropriate, FINE and keep moving.
10) Lastly and certainly not least. Never, ever, ever, stare into the eyes of people on the subway. While New Yorkers value having the balls to make eye contact when in conversation, the subway is different. In this underground world, all people, rich poor, yuppies, homeless become equal and the price aside from the money to ride are the rules. Do not stare into the soul of your fellow straphanger and never ever make polite conversation. Its bad enough to be shoved in like a sardine with a hundred sweaty people, but if you then open your mouth and say, “hey where are you on your way too,” you will probably get a briefcase shoved in your groin and more importantly you will deserve it.
Well darlings, there you have it a travel advisory from a downtown New Yorker. So come visit us here in Ma ha tan. So long as you don’t slow us down, we’ll gladly take your money! It’s the big apple. Take a bite.
Saturday, August 23
had a real NYC night
then they went back again
sarah got on line with the kids at 8
heres the deal
a lotta folks got smart
we actually ordered pizza
i lucked out since i only had to show up at 6pm
all and all a great NYC night
so if you want to make some big bucks
Tuesday, August 19
hey kids man is it my imagination or are the olympics feeling way biased towards china
Saturday, August 16
hey kids sorry not to post for a bit
they say their towers were on fire or some such thing
i totally missed the olympics
im fine with that
a news break is a good thing i say
Wednesday, August 6
Now I say, “Fuck China!”
For China to snag the visa from gold medalist and Darfur activist Joey Cheek, just hours before he was supposed to fly to China for the winter games is an outrage.
China doesn’t need a reason snag anyone’s Visa but in the case of Cheek, they clearly felt they had a glowing one. He is the founder of Team Darfur, a group of 70 athletes who try to raise awareness about the human-rights atrocities happening in the Darfur region of Sudan. China has big time ties to Sudan.
The Olympic games, just days away, are now clouded in even more controversy then before. How can the world celebrate the freedom of the athletic spirit in a country that squashes independent spirit?
I think with the fortune that a country can make from holding the Olympics, that before a country is given that honor, it must first prove that it is honorable.
Saturday, August 2
Zippity doo daa zippity gay
Now couples from Wisconsin, Texas or right here in NYC
I predict a huge ass boost in the economy of Mass while thousands and thousands of couples flock there to marry and honeymoon.
Honey let’s face it we are in a recession but good old Mass now gets to rake in the well deserved wedding bucks for standing out loud and proud for gay rights!
So maybe some of those other states might take a listen. If their hearts won’t make them open up to gay marriage maybe their pocket books will?
From the lovely Charlotte of Outtake- see linkie love list dears
A recent study the Patrick administration commissioned estimated that 32,200 couples would come to Massachusetts to marry in the next three years, creating 330 jobs and adding $111 million to the economy.
Well deserved Mass, after all you were the first state to legalize same-sex marriage, not to take any hurrahs from you California, but yes, do take a bow!
Honeys maybe, maybe we really will get to see the subject of Gay Marriage
love is love
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