Home
Bio

Friday, December 30

New Years Mama

well new years is just about upon us
so i thought i would let loose with some of my new years resolution for you'all

1) I promise not to give nasty looks to everyone who wears those jeans that fall down the crack of their ass and expose their entire butt just so they can show off the little tattoo cradled in their crack... cause frankly there's just too many of them anyway

2) No longer will I roll my eyes back in my head like zombi on acid everytime someone in my gym leaves a puddle of sweat on a machine one inch deep and does not wipe it off. Instead for my mental health I will simply grab the roll of paper towels and shove it up their wazoos.

(wazoo a generic term that can mean anything I damn well want it to)

3) I will never ever ever again watch television no matter how much I love the show, even though it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer once and Queer as Folk once when I could instead be having sex, because I have come to understand how rare decent sex is. I said decent honey. Lousy sex is ample.

4) I will take a deep breath the next time I get an obnoxious comment from a right winger with no ability to type while being simultaneously human and say to myself....there but for the grace of god......

5) I will give myself permission to not be a world famous writer/painter for yes another year, because i am on the road...and staying creative and thats good enough for now..the validation might not come till i lose the ear

6) Never again shall I laugh at George Bush because quite honestly
he's not funny anymore... he is scary

7) The next time I fall in love I will check the availability tag first


8) I wont smoke crack before sundown
kidding....just kidding....I mean about the sundown part

9) I will try and remember that just because Im in my busy season my friends may not be and try and return their phone calls in a timely fashion and be kind, instead of screaming
you can't really expect to have drinks with me in OCTOBER!!

10) I will not change the fact that I am a loudmouthed NY bitch
who howls at the moon and the occasional bus
no matter how much you beg me, pay me....nope
...tis who I am...

I am woman hear me roar!

Meow!


Sunday, December 25

happy holidays kids

Well I had my first Xmas Eve alone in some time
But don’t feel sorry for me dears it was by choice ..

After a very stressful year I treated myself to a me, myself and I
Christmas Eve (I’m jewish anyway as you know)

Had brunch with La C early in the day
Then I did something I’ve been wanting to do for ever
Went thru the huge ass bucket of change I’ve been collecting
Picked out the quarters for meters and laundry
And made bags full of change
No idea how much was in each bag but I’m sure it was a few bucks
Then I walked around and gave them out to the homeless

Honey you have never lived till you’ve seen the face of a homeless person who says to you
“Spare change?”
and you respond by handing them a grocery bag filled with change
it made me feel pretty fantanbulous I can assure you


then I took myself out to see Memoir of a Geisha which I just adored
came home
ordered in Chinese (they’re always open)
and watched Phantom of the Opera
followed by Batman Begins
and fell into a deep sleep

today it’s a mellow xmas day of listening to music
and painting a small painting of a yellow row boat

and then at 6
Shelley, Trey, Gus and Zora
Come over for first night of Chanukah Menora lighting
Potato pancakes, pastrami, knish, and lots of love

All in all just fine

Anyway folks
I hope you are having a wonderful holiday
And if you are alone
I wish you a fun time alone
Because ultimately you are and should be
The most fantastic person in your universe
And if you’re not
Get to work on it

Happy holidays

Wednesday, December 21

transit drama

the trickle down theory for the transit strike has been
whats catching me off guard
i was lucky enough to have a few days off
and be able to stay downtown
so i thought i would concentrate on the renovating work in my place of business
i know thats a new york day off
but what the hell
anyway
the work i need done in my kitchen stalled
because the store to buy the tools is not open
because the employees are still trying to get to work

i did want to go to soho
but im wondering how much frostbite will set in by the time i get there
and then walk back

my meeting tomorrow may be canceled because the bride cant get in

forgetabout visiting pals uptown

everyone i mean everyone is way bitchy
and mad at the union cause they feel a strike in the freezing cant walk weather
during the holidays is just plain mean

i got a feeling
that when this is over
new yorkers are not gonna be smiling at the transit folks for years
not that we ever did to tell you the truth

on the other hand
unions have the right to strike
but sheesh couldnt they have had a heart
and put it off till after new years

i feel just as sorry for the strikers losing double pay
when they should be shopping for xmas gifts

its a sad story all round
hope it ends soon


Tuesday, December 20

the huge mo-fo transit strike

Lordy talk about a crappy beginning to the busy holiday week..
The first real deal city wide transit strike since the days of my boy
Eddy kotch…

Honeys I knew I was lucky to finally, for the first time in my life be able to walk to work and luckier still to have a few days off but in this freezing cold, I sure do feel sorry for everyone else..

I was out having a drink at midnight last night un-aware that after saying goodnight to all my pals, it was probably the last time any of us would be catching a cab with any ease in the near future..

This morning, well you’d think the earth stood still and it has because the subways and the busses aren’t running in NYC!

25 years ago at least eddy man got to lead the city for a walk across the bridge in spring temperature because it was friggen April!

But now, man foregetaboutit its cold out there baby!

Its infuriating and hard to know how to feel because as Americans we of course support a Union’s right to strike but as New Yorkers we think anyone who slows us down should rot in hell!

All I can say is, I sure hope this shit doesn’t last 11 days like the last one did, that’ll ruin everyone’s Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, New Years and whatever else you got to throw in there.

I can hear the new Christmas Carols now

On the first day of Christmas the Union gave to me
A 35 dollar cab ride to the city

On the second day of Christmas the Union gave to me
One toe lost to frostbite and a 35 dollar cab ride to the cityyyyy

Friday, December 16

another one bites the bush


Well I guess you’ve all probably checked out The New York Times expose on how our president has since 2002 authorized phone and email taps of thousands without a court approved warrant.

The reason it took this so long to hit the press is because the bushies got the times to sit on the story for a year.

Now that the cats out of the bag ….numerous former officials under anonymity are calling it a real stretch of the constitutional rights for legal search..

Yep…here we go again.


Every day since 911 I have watched this administration turn our country more and more into what feels like a sick version of “1984” with big brother around every corner..

All this of course in done in the name of our protection.. and our fear is lassoed like a giant bull (being the appropriate animal hear) to erode our liberties and let giants piles of bull dung like the patriot act come crashing through into our lives..

Course the Bushies, consider all this to be absolutely necessary to protect the U.S. against the ummm infidels…no we’re the infidels, always get that confused… and if you don’t’ agree than your anti American and your worse a terrorist sympathizer…

You don’t like your library records read, your email read without warrant, hey this is all part of protecting the great US Of A..

What about monitoring the peaceful antiwar requests sorta like oh the 60’s yes the 60’s in which occurred incredible abuse of the blatant revulsion of the human rights of the anti-war protestors. But supposedly we had learned from all that and imposed limits on what intelligence could gather in this country and how we could do it. The SEARCH WARRANT was the major gain here. The SEARCH WARRANT is the major loss under the bushies and so for that matter are we..


Saturday, December 10

Lower East Side

Hey Kids
here is a little piece I wrote in collaboration with my pal Dror
for an Israeli magazine he was doing a photo essay of Manhattan for
thought you might enjoy the read...

The Lower East
By Rossi

Growing up on the Jersey Shore in the 1970’s a trip to New York City only meant one thing; the Lower-East-Side.

We would take the hour and fifteen minute ride that felt like a decade through the Holland tunnel and emerge in the rough and tumble world of Manhattan’s Jewish bargain district. There I would delight as my mother would drag us to stall after stall along Orchard Street haggling with the Chasidics who sold socks, shoes, leather jackets and braziers.

After a hard days haggling and a visit to Cohen’s Opticals for discount glasses the family would be treated to the reward we’d been salivating about all day; David’s Kosher delicatessen. I don’t know if it’s that I was so much shorter then, but David’s felt like it was 20 feet high and a city block wide and was filled with hanging salamis, smoldering brisket, kuggel, potato pancakes all the delights of Ashkenazi childhood.

We would sit at about 3:00 and eat till 4:30, then crawl out of the den of derma reeking of pastrami for the long ride home.

I knew the day they turned David’s into a Blimpies sub shop the Lower-East-Side of my ancestors was gone.

The brassiere shop is now a hip-hop clothing store. The Chasidic vendors have been replaced with Hispanic vendors. Where we used to see carts rolling by filled with Turkish apricots and halvah, now you see Korean street vendors selling fake designers watches.

Then the café’s came.

The Lowest-East-Side once the immigrant center for post Ellis Island European Jews and more then a few Irish has become something no one could have predicted. It has become hip.

There are French café’s, art galleries, tattoo parlors and trendy independent designer clothes stores. The realtors in a rush to capitalize on the growing fashion of the neighborhood have dubbed it “Loho” (lower-Houston) much like the tags for other Manhattan hoods that have been un-affordable to anyone but the rich; Soho, Noho.

But there are still signs of the old Lower-East-side and perhaps the most brilliant amongst them is the Essex Street Market.

The Essex Market is a large indoor market which opened its doors in 1939. Ironically the market was created by NYC mayor Fiorello La Guardia in an effort to rid the streets of pushcarts. The pushcarts stayed well into the 70’s so his plan did not work but one of the great and lasting Manhattan institutions was born.

One will no longer find a kosher butcher or a Chasidic dairyman in the market but there is Norman Schapiro, the grandson of Sam who founded the kosher winery Schapiro’s which distributes worldwide. Norman sold the much beloved and famous Schapiro winery building which welcomed tourists to Rivington Street for over 100 years. When asked why he sold, Norman answered simply, “For five million dollars…that’s a good reason!” Money aside Norman who grew up talking to tourists about his family’s legacy prefers to sit in his tiny stall at the market posing for photographs and offering tastings to playing golf.

Dont' bother looking for tongue or kishka at the butchers in Essex market they have been replaced with “Chuletas” and “Tripe.” But at the adorable Jeffrey’s market, the grandson of the original owner who has had the meat market right where it stands since 1939 now plays homage to the rising tide or artists in the hood. Jeffrey’s meat market is now an art gallery. Behind the glass case of pork chops hang watercolors by local school kids and paintings by whatever local artists Jeffrey deemed worthy for the month.

There are fruit vendors, fish stalls laced with bin after bin of fresh fish on ice, dry goods vendors, a dumpling man, a tailor, a barber and the newly hip “Rainbo’s” which makes specialty cake toppers including an S&M scene and a severed head.

One can walk into the Essex Street market and emerge with dinner, wine, a haircut, your trousers cuffed and more then a few stories to tell. The market is perhaps the perfect icon for today’s Loho; Yiddish to Puerto Rican to young hip and often Japanese.

We emerged from the Essex Market with our teeth stained purple from freshly made blueberry juice, an armload of cod, shrimp and filet mignon and the feeling that we’d stepped back in time.

What more can you ask for in the busiest city in the world?


Recipes from Essex Market

** Recipes are done in collaboration with Miha Juric
head chef of The Raging Skillet

Corn Crusted Cod
With red miso sauce

Rub the top side of cod ( or any white fish) filet in rough ground yellow corn meal and season with salt and pepper. Sear on the corn side in hot oil. Then lay on a greased baking pan and bake at 350 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes depending on the desired done-ness of the fish.

Red Miso sauce
For 6 pieces of fish, puree one roasted red bell pepper and mix in a drizzle of sherry vinegar, a spoon of red miso paste, a pinch of minced garlic and a pinch of white pepper.
This can be made one day in advance.
Drizzle over the fish.


Filet Mignon
With olive and fig chutney

Cut filets into 1-inch thick medallions, dredge in olive oil and salt and fresh ground pepper.
Grill on each side, 3 minutes per side and finish in oven till desired done-ness.

Chutney
Mix 4 sliced figs to a equal amounts of sliced pitted olives, Drizzle in about two spoons of fresh lemon juice and then a generous amount of chopped fresh tarragon and chives. Season with salt and pepper. This can be made one day in advance. Spoon over filet mignon when done.


Wednesday, December 7

manchurian mama

tried to watch the manchurian candidate last night
but it was too late and i couldn't keep my eyes open for the end
talking about the re-make not the original
anyway
the reason this movie... both versions
or shall i say this story is so brilliant is because
manchurianesque things happen every day to all of us
but we dont really notice

i remember in a fascinating sociology course i took
learning about how millions and millions of dollars go into the design of how things are placed in our super-markets and how they are lit
to make us buy more then we want to
and items we dont really want or need
the lights themselves are meant to dull our senses into being duped

obviously advertising is a source of mental manipulation
but so is what our government does every day
and no
im not a friggen idiot
i don't think the bush junya team invented
propaganda
i just think they are masters at it

wouldn't it be interesting to walk out into the world today
and try to separate from all the things big money and government (hmm same thing) is trying to make us think and find a way to just think whatever we want to think, our own original thoughts....?!

i have a fear that if i start digging out all the crapola implanted in my brain from
product placement
slanted news
sponsors
neon
and my own family
i might find only the tiniest pearls are left
but oh those pearls
i can build on that

Sunday, December 4

snow queen

we're having the first snow of the season here in NYC
and its so damn gorgeous im just plotzing all over the place
i should have known it snowed thru the early morning
because i had the most amazing sleep
to this day
nothing is more soothing to me then falling snow
and i cant get enough of how quiet NYC gets under its soft white blanket of fluff
its just magically
and yes
i know by the time
i wade thru it
it will already be pushed aside and dirtied by cars
pissed on by dogs
and already being deemed a nuisance by the dozen or so
hispanic supers on my block
who wage a war against it with bags of salt
and lots of cursing
but still
i love the new snow
maybe today ill walk thru it and pretend
im a princess making a pathway thru my magical garden

okay
more realistic then
im a tired jaded mama
whos got garlic under her nails
and beef gravy on her boots
just wishing for a long ass vacation

but i for today
yes
yes
for today
its all snow white and pretty