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Thursday, January 29
fever and phone sex
so thanks to either some sick mofo on my flight home
or the fact that i went from 78 degrees
to something well below freezing
i immediately got the flu
aaaa choooo
damn it
i was so looking forward to showing off my sexy sun tan
now i look like rudolph the reindeer
ok well a tan red nosed deer
but still
sigh
i know you dont feel sorry for me
cause at least i got away from this shit for a week
but listen
im back
and its cold
and my nose in running
and i want sympathy damn
it
and i want it now
i am after all
a J.A.M. (new expression i coined..Jewish American Monster)
anyway
being well stoned on flu pills
i have started pondering the following...
for some reason
today
i felt a pang of sadness for the telemarketers
now we will know its them on our caller ID
and they will be hung up on or never answered
so although they have been terrorizing me for years
i feel a bit sad for them
you know kids
i'll let you in on a little secret
a millions years ago
one of my first jobs in NYC
was selling the new york times over the phone
yep
i did it
the night shift
filled with freaks
misfits
disfunctional drunks
and pink haired lunatics
i fit right in
natch
but see what i did was
i entertained the folks who got my call
yeah
i mean
if i was gonna get them to stay on the line
i made it interesting
i talked in a low sexy voice
and flirted with them
so this way
whether or not they bought my %$#^&* paper
they were fully scintillated
you might say it was free foreplay
i think our caller ID should say the following
telemarketer dont answer
or sexy telemarketer you decide
seems fair
on other things buzzing around my brain..
if a dog pees in the snow
and no one's there to see it
does it make a sound?
oy
im going to bed
Monday, January 26
back in the saddle
well darlings
i just got back from mexico
and i had quite the adventure..
ill just do a quick recap..
stayed in Puerto Morales..a sleepy little town...that still has its Mexican authenticity somewhat intact, although there is a sushi place in town..
i figure in two years it will be a crazy honky tonk tourist town
but for now
it was quiet and sleepy
and i got to destress
in my small resort...on the beach
with far too many waiters who seemed to either want to marry me
or be my baby
not sure which
this mommy, mami, mommita thing you know
anyway i took some crazy day trips
into Playa del Carmen
a wild honky tonk town of the variety i just mentioned P.M turning into
i dont know what happened to all the deals in Mexico
cause i surely didnt find any
i spend about 300 bucks just walking from one end of the main Playa drag to the other..
then i took a full day to see the amazing Ixcaret pronounced Ish Ka Ret..which is a gigantic ecological park
honey i was truly amazing
your truly madame wimpy in the water
went on a two mile river swim mostly under caves and in black places where im pretty sure bats slept
i saw sea turtles some of them tourists from Wisconsin
some of them real turtles
i saw a wild Mayan ritual fire ball show
then went back to my sleepy resort and chilled
lastly i went to Isla Mojares
the island of women
and honey this place was a blast
a sorta 1970's keywest meets mexico kinda island
very busy
filled with tourists driving around the 5 mile island on scooters or in golf carts
and there was a beach bar for about every two feet i stepped
also
a gigantic array of topless women
very nice
although
i think i did it right
cause again i was happy to return to my sleepy resort
where all was quiet
now then
unfortunately
my sleepy resort had some issues
the largest of which was that everyone was so busy being sleepy
they didnt properly watch out for little things
like oh
scorpions!!!!!!!
yep
i returned from the spa one night half asleep
to throw myself onto my bed
and what started to crawl towards me
literally two inches from my ass
A SCORPION!!!
honey im so sure you heard that scream back to america
i think all of mexico heard it
they sent some dude into kill it
but i was never the same
kept feeling like every breeze was another one
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaa
now then
im back
and im bitchy
and i ready to rant
and i want to start off right now
with a few things on my mind pronto
first of all
decide if you like howard dean
or hate him
or dont give a rat's ass about him
whatever
but don't throw the man away cause he shows emotion
war cries, determination
shit
this country needs a human president right about now
honest emotion
why is that such a bad thing?
ill tell you whats scary
60 minutes last night
that was scary
talking about how some major companies
like Halliburton, G.E. and Conoco Phillips..
have found a legal loop hole to do business with counties like Iran that sponsor terrorism
how the loop hole works
well take Halliburton for instance
they cant legally do biz with Iran
so what they do is set up a subsidiary based on the Cayman Islands to do the dirty work for them..
its amazing honey
and another little ditty about Halliburton is that its former C.E.O was vice pressy Dick Cheney...
so while the whole country wants the head of Kenny Lay former C.E.O of Enron (another Cheney association hmmm) nobody seems to talking about how old man Dick...ran a company that invests kazillions in Iran..which then has the bucks to support terror...how nice Dicky pooo
Gee I sure want to have you step up to the plate if something happens to Dubya
its the first time i ever found myself wishing for the good health of george junior
so speaking of Bush
and no the good kind
out in mexico
i had a little paper called the Cancun edition of the Miami Herald
dropped off for moi
it kept me A Breast (hehe) of Junior's state of the union speech and his goings on
this is what i gotta ask you
think about this before you send me back a pile of nasty comments
ok
so lets say you were pro war
as you know i was not anti war myself here
but lets say you are a total republican
way pro war
totally in love with george junior
and his dad
and cheney
(which means you probably dont read my site but what the hell im on a roll here)
aren't you asking yourself
about these weapons of mass destruction that never were found?
aren't you kinda wondering why our president is still covering up
doing spin doctor waves to draw our attention to other things?
suddenly announcing the war was oh really about taking down saddam
when a year ago that was just supposed to be a nice little by-product of the war
listen
obviously junior was gonna take us to war no matter what
its obvious isnt it?
come on you know it is..
so why give us the big bullshit?
why not say
this man is an evil dicatator and a murderer
and we need to save the people of Iraq
and then go to war..
hmmm probably cause then you'd have to admit why other evil dictators are allowed to say in power cause they're you know profitable for us...
and honey why on earth would you say
you will follow what the U.N. says and then go against it
thats just a one way ticket to
making the world hate you
and they do
they surely do
also
can i make another little point here
junior would like to spend
how many MORE billions taking out terrorism world wide
but um hello there
georgy
most of my friends here in the U.S.
you remember us don't you Americans
well most of my pals cant afford health insurance
and one of them is fighting for his life and can't buy his medicine
and the country has got a nice big ass homeless and jobless problem
and oh just about everyone i talk to these days is scared about the economy
have you noticed
us??!!
you know
your people
cause we could use some of those billions too
like maybe give us free medical care before you spend another 350 billions overseas...
and by the way
how dare you
stand up there
in your conservative
holier than thou
Christian
right wing
judgemental
bull crap
and tell me i dont have the right to marry my lover
you want me to pay your salary in my taxes
you want me to pay for your wars
you want my lover to
do the same
but you dont think we rate as real humans do you?!!
cause we don't have the right to love each other
what is more human but to love
and the right to love
the right to honor your love
how dare you sir
deny me that right
shame
shame on you
shame on all who support this ban on gay marriage!!!!
have we returned once again to the Puritan ways
of to the 1950's?!?!?
if september 11th had not happened
oh we all could be back to being nestled in our false sense of safety
all those terrible images
all that terrible death
all the nightmares
and the sorrow
and the anger
would be erased
and we would not have a president today with so much power
far too much power for any president under his belt
using our fear
to brain wash us
to guide us
to manuever us to
throw away our
rights, our judgement
and to join under him ..like cattle
like MAD COW CATTLE!
lord please tell me
this man wont be around for a second term
i so fear what he
and his partner in arms
Dick (i fund terrorism and then pretend to fight it) cheney
will to do to our world
lord please tell me
that some sense of sanity will be restored to the people of this country
all im asking
is simply this
WAKE UP!!
Saturday, January 17
mexico bound
well probably by the time you read this
ill be on a plane enroute for mexico
heheheh
and man
i cant think of a better time to go
this shit is so cold
that yesterday i sneezed and before i could grab a tissue
i had ice blech on my nose
i know lovely visual
but what can i say
im occasionallly rather disgusting
and i love it
my plans for the week
take a few days to lie in a hammock like a dead dog
with my legs in the air
oblivious to all around me
and then
to visit some Mayan ruins
a few islands
especially the island
all my pals tell me is
the sleepiest lil thing
which means its probably too late
"Isla Mohares"
Island of Women I think this translates as
right up my alley
anyway
sweet thangs
think of me
being one with the ocean
and yes
i do plan to cheat on my homepathic
diet from hell (still on it aaaak)
and have some margueritas
hold the ice
and yes
dearies
i will not over-do the sun thing
MUCH
hehhehe
adios
meanwhile
i expect to return
my old bitchy
take no prisoners self
or at least a reasonable fascimile (did i spell that right?)
Thursday, January 15
cold and wild
I heard on the news last night that New York and I'm guessing lots of other north east folks are experiencing the coldest temp since 1944..
honey i believe that big time, because no matter how much i love this pure, white, lush, gorgeous snow...i also can't seem to drag my tuchas thru it...
i mean holy shit...this is cold
i haven't experienced cold like this since i went to Amsterdam with my ex before my last ex..hmm this would be ex lover number 22 i think and
i nearly got frost bite while waiting the 15 minutes for the anne frank house to open...man
i need a nose guard i think..like the bike messengers...
but i have this secret fear
yes ill let you in on this
that if i disguise my face..ala Jason...or bike messenger style..
and there is no chance of being recognized
that the wild Rossi will come out
the wild, reckless,
animal-within will come out
and once that happens
lord only knows what havoc i might unleash
hahhehhehehhehahahhehehehehhehehheheheheh
scared?
Wednesday, January 14
here and gone
back from a few days of walking in sub zero temps on the beach
in an arctic snow storm
on the very tip of cape cod
where i saw few people
and lots of seagulls
i am sorry to report that i did not, in fact, find my brain
but i did find a lot of questions
that i really need answers for
some that i may even have to be very 12 step
and chalk up to a higher power
but i quest on
to even farther lands
and ...well also because january is my off season
im back in NYC for a few days to catch up on clients
and errands
and then i will run away again
this time for a whole other temperature
to mexico
i figure as long as i dont drink the water, eat any salad, suck on any ice, or
try the food in the airport i should do fine
or at least not poop myself into oblivion
my quest to find my brain seems to somehow be morphing
into either an very VERY VERY (hey im still in my 30's) early mid-life crisis
or a late case of post teen blues
either way
im searching
and what i find
ill surely report here
meanwhile
yeah
Mexico
its okay
be jealous
Thursday, January 8
new memoirable
just putting up
a super short
sweet
memoir
on memoirable
for you to enjoy
while i run away to freeze my ass off
on the beach of cape cod
is there any colder place in the world
then the beach in january
in the north east?
but i love it
i do
so quiet
so magical
i intend to find my brain while im there
ill let you know if i do
meanwhile
reach on up and click on memoirable
and read
"cabbage and noodles"
smooches
Tuesday, January 6
the artist's way
well i spent a little time
in the cozy
Gertrude Steinesque
salon
of my pals liz and debbie
who surrounded me with art
filled me with tuna fish salad
and satiated me with love,
music
and a small slice of serenity
its amazing what art can do for the soul
i have found that even though i, myself, am an artist..
i do often feel the void of not being around other artists and how they can inspire and stimulate you
i guess thats why through-out history there are so many schools, groups, movements of artists evolving together..
my art partner dror and i both find ourselves gravitating towards
artists community
him to williamsburg brooklyn
me to provincetown
and we both seem to use each other to end our dry spells
and push into new beginnings
so yeah
i guess its safe to say
that my artistic soul
needs to be nudged a little by other artists
i wonder sometimes
if years after i die
people will think of me
as part of a group
or a movement
slicing through its little mark in history
its an interesting thought
wondering about the footsteps you might leave behind
anyway
im screwing my head on
trying to face it forward
trying to fill myself with wind
and power and
fury
hoping my sail will catch
and i will be propelled forward into whatever
grand things await me
i promise
i promise
i promise
to return to my bitchy
politically incorrect self
very soon
indulge me
Sunday, January 4
the pink toothbrush
so in my quest to fulfill my new year's wish
to simply be happy
i have discovered that im not really a big picture girl
im a little picture girl
i love grand hotels
expensive dinners
fancy cars
nights to the theatre
i love this as much as any
normal healthy woman would
or man
but what really gives me joy
what really makes me feel warm inside
is the feeling of being heard
of being listened to in the deepest possible way
of being cared for
and being respected
and sometimes the best way to get those points across to me
is with the simplest gestures
remembering that i don't have a pair of slippers
buying a pair and sliding them under my bed
knowing how sentimental i am
and keeping something i feel is sacred
that anyone else might feel is stupid
also sacred
presently i feel sacred about a green blanket
and a pink toothbrush
these are silly
nutty girly things
i don't expect anyone to understand
but having those two things elevated
and cared for in some way
would bring me more joy
than a weekend at The Plaza Hotel
so i'm a silly girl
despite my fierce downtown Manhattan persona
and 20 years of bad-ass surviving..
I'm often a very little girl
perhaps a girl who left home too early
and now needs to be feel
solid
and safe
and supported
in the smallest, most often over-looked ways
but i know the key to
my quest for joy and happiness
lies in a pink toothbrush and a green blanket
one of which has been discarded
the other is so filthy i may just have to throw it away...
so..i continue
on my quest
for joy and for the bravery that often accompanies reaching out for it
please forgive me
my enormous sentimantalities (is that how you spell that)
im a little emotional from the holidays
and a lot emotional from my life of late
but i wish you all the same things
i know that i deserve and am reaching for
joy, peace, happiness, tranquility and many many smiles
Friday, January 2
new year's eve
hello loveeeess
here's my how i spent new year's eve report
was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for moi
as i was so bummed not to spend the big night with La Cubana
but i made up for it by enlisting my art partner Dror
as my date
Dror and I went to Tray and Gus's for a big ass meal
and there I got to watch first hand as my god-daughter demonstrated just how well the burping doll i got her (with a little help from her mom) for Xmas ..burped.
Tray made a huge meal..Jewish and Christian hors d'oeuvres
kosher franks in the blanket and shrimp cocktail
HA
for dinner
a roast beef with mashed potatoes
and spinach
dinner was fabu darlings
dessert was a key lime pie
and a rather frightening Yule log made out of marshmellow gooey stuff inside
and the same chocolate they make those Easter bunnies out of outside
I think this was a
recycled thing
someone had dumped the Yule log on tray
and she demanded that we all try it
so basically it tasted like a giant yodel
but the kids loved it
and i think dror kinda liked it too except he had trouble eating the tiny chocolate animal faces on the side
at 10 PM dror and i hightaled it outa there
knowing just what it was going to be like to drive from Brooklyn to Manhattan any later
we wound up at Cafecito's (home of the world's greatest Cuban coffee ..hmm okay just New Yorks greatest Cuban coffee) new years party
where i added the fact that I'd broken my diet
with red meat and champagne and had
a mojito
La Cubana called me at about 11
and in the middle of a conversation about what i was doing and where i was
she simply walked in the door
"Surprise"
she'd ditched her family in long island and hopped a limo and a plane to spend two hours with me before hopping a plane back
"I get a lot of brownie points for this one!" she demanded
La C is a business woman after all..
La C and i danced to the latin music and made Dror drag his Israeli butt to the dance floor a few times too..
then we all went back to La C's apartment and drank
MORE champagne
and watched the ball drop
and if it wasn't that we had a guest
La C would have truly gotten some
at about 1:30
La C and Dror left
and i was all alone to spend the night in La C's apartment
under the blankets
with Pete the FAT cat on top of me
purring like mad
and i watched really REALLY bad TV till 3 am
and then fell asleep
the end
p.s. on new year's day
i went to my apartment and discovered tha Lu Lu my
very bitchy feline
had pissed all over the brand new quilt blanket and bed
i don't know what the symbolism of that is
but i think it might be something like
laugh and the world laughs with you
spend the night in your girlfriend's apartment
and someone will find a way to piss on you
La C says im looking at this all the entire wrong way
and should see my lu lu peeing
and La C flying
as just what people will do when they miss me
so i guess this means i need to work on my glass is half emptly stuff huh?
sigh
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