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Monday, January 16

Things I hate about January in NYC

that weird road rash ( and no I don't mean from um shall we say action)
that appears between ones thighs....

the side-walk obstacle courses in front of empty lots
that are one long inch thick slab of ice, which can only be crossed with
two ice picks and a prayer..your other choice is to take your chances by walking out onto the street but given the odds between ice hell and a nyc taxi
i opt for ice hell

the people who go mental, i mean mental from the cold
last night some uppity bitch was walking down the street and nearly smashed into me, then she screamed MOVE
and i replied like any self respecting New Yorker would
"what the fuck is your problem fat ass?"

that movie theatres only have two temperatures in january
freezing or roasting depending on whether they turn their heat on or off

frozen pee pee
honey its just gross all those yellow mini ice ponds
yech
second only to of course frozen ka ka

the dull, miserable, fed up, worn out, shuffle of the frozen masses on their way to the subway, not to be confused with the dull, miserable, fed up, worn out, shuffle of the sweltering masses in the summer

that a walk through thompkins square park means a mild case of frostbite
and i feel like a huge ass wuss because the homeless people are taking it all in like a spring day

that i go to sleep at night listening to the bitter wind howling through my non
insulated windows like a banchee in heat
im just kinda assuming a banchee in heat sounds like that

that my lovely apartment has electric heat which sounded ok
but now i understand means my ^%$#^&** bill is 290 bucks!!

that the closest i get to anything tropical
is the papaya kind hot dog stand
which to this day i dont understand
becauce who the hell wants to drink papaya juice with a hot dog?
can someone explain this to me

achoooooooooooo