okay
here in provincetown massachusetts (did I spell that right)
i am reminded yet again that i am truly a new yorker
and here are just a few of the recent reasons why
cause when i asked the maintenance guy who supposedly collects free rent to run the building my rustic little apartment is in to fix the screen that's busted open and lets half the mosquitos on cape cod bite my ass
he says tomorrow
tomorrow
and after 6 days of this
i go over his head to the landlords daughter and bitch and moan until the friggen screen gets fixed
cause im a new yorker and tomorrow is yesterday motherfucker
cause when the shuttle bus that you wait 20 minutes for
to take you the beach has to go off duty cause it ran out of gas
im the one screaming
all you do is drive a ^&%%$#^&* shuttle bus back and forth to the ^&%$#%^&* beach...and you can't remember to put in a little gas
helloooo!
cause no matter how hot it is I will never ever ever
wear a mesh shirt of any kind
its just wrong
cause
i order a drink and ask for chips and salsa
and the salsa runs out after two dips but the bartender pretends he doesnt see me as i point to the empty bowl
so i pretend i dont see him as i point to the empty tip
cause
i cover my entire body with bug spray at the site of a flying anything
new yorkers dont do flying bugs
just crawling ones
cause
i dont get why anyone would sit their fat ass on a boat
and spend the whole damn day waiting to see site of a whale
i just saw a hundred of them get on the ^%#^&* boat
cause i just dont think you should be going all the way to provincetown to look and point at all the silly gay people
hey we look and point at you too dipshit
do you have any idea who friggen stupid you look wearing shorts
and socks that go halfway up your shins
cant wait to see your tan lines
cause
when i'm on the beach
i get that your kids are cute
and your dog is cute
and maybe you and your other half are cute too
but stay the fuck off my towel
just cause im sitting on the beach
doesnt mean i like sand
can you say...
the bitch is back
