reading the goddess michele (small Victory);s web site today
i was reminded of the "911" anniversary coming up this weekend
funny how my mothers Yertzite ( know i spelled that wrong)
and the "911" anniversary seem to come closer and closer together
anyway
i guess i'd kinda pushed it out of mind
because like michele
i am ready and have been ready to move on
pretty much after the 2 year anniversary i made a decision to just
put it all behind me
live,
learn
remember
but not dwell
but lately all the security here in nyc
and the riot cops
brought it screaming back
and even while i was in provincetown
i went to a september 11th photo exhibit
and wound up
losing it emotionally shortly there-after with my trusted pal debilah
so i guess it wasn't that i put it behind
but rather shoved it aside
but its three years later
and its time
and like i have felt from the start
i guess i still feel like i have no real right to grieve so much over this day
as i did not lose a loved one
or suffer a physical wound
only a wound in the heart
like so many of you
but then
that day changed me
it truly and deeply and permanently changed me
as it changed many of you
as it changed this country and this world
and its important to take note of that change
i am not the person today
that i would be
if "911" had not happened
and truthfully
i dont even think the change was small
i think it was huge
i think it spun me around and spit me out
a very different person
i hope
i hope with all my heart a better person
i do lump september 11th with the death of my mother
for some reason
maybe because they both happened in september
maybe because they were both shocking
both such huge
bolts of instant loss
and oddly the lessons i learned were similiar

don't postpone life

don't ever postpone your life
because we never know how long we have
we could go to work tomorrow
and walk in the front door and never walk out

3,000 people went to work that day
that beautiful, crisp, sunny, clear morning
3,000 people never came home to their families, their lovers, their friends, their dreams, their lives

Live
every day of your life
do not ever
EVER
postpone your life

i do this for my mother
i do this in some way to honor the many lost innocent souls
who will no longer have the chance

i live
thats all i can do
and can try to do it to the fullest of my power

i live

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