moving from one phase of your life to another
crossing over
to a new chapter
is a mixed bag
its about life and death
the death of the past
the life of the future
its about finding the courage to say good-bye to something that may feel
like the very center of your universe
and praying for the strength to open yourself up to an unknown horizon

at this moment
as i write this
the sky looks grey and hazy
a storm may be coming
or not
there are two pigeons
one very fat
the other rather small
they are obviously a couple
as the fat one picks at the feathers of the smaller one, cleaning her, i think its a her and i think the fat one is a him
they are pecking at the tiny twigs of my now dead herb garden
so i suspect they will build a nest
and the way they've been hanging out in my window box
makes me think the nest will be there..
if so
i will not be planting anything until they're done
the prospect of watching these love-bird pigeons
lay eggs in front of me
if they decide to do so
and the possibility of those eggs hatching in front of me
fills me with joy
how i would love to watch the birth of new life
on my fire escape

of course this means
i wont be able to open my window again
and the noise may be deafening
but small price
small price

so here i sit
with a grey sky
and two pigeons
and many lost nights of sleep
and many more sleep-less nights to come
wondering about this strange space
between the leaving and the arriving
wondering why
everything that feels wondrous and magical and intoxicating
has to have a price tag
wondering if the pigeons wonder these things too

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