so in my quest to fulfill my new year's wish
to simply be happy
i have discovered that im not really a big picture girl
im a little picture girl
i love grand hotels
expensive dinners
fancy cars
nights to the theatre
i love this as much as any
normal healthy woman would
or man
but what really gives me joy
what really makes me feel warm inside
is the feeling of being heard
of being listened to in the deepest possible way
of being cared for
and being respected
and sometimes the best way to get those points across to me
is with the simplest gestures
remembering that i don't have a pair of slippers
buying a pair and sliding them under my bed
knowing how sentimental i am
and keeping something i feel is sacred
that anyone else might feel is stupid
also sacred
presently i feel sacred about a green blanket
and a pink toothbrush
these are silly
nutty girly things
i don't expect anyone to understand
but having those two things elevated
and cared for in some way
would bring me more joy
than a weekend at The Plaza Hotel
so i'm a silly girl
despite my fierce downtown Manhattan persona
and 20 years of bad-ass surviving..
I'm often a very little girl
perhaps a girl who left home too early
and now needs to be feel
solid
and safe
and supported
in the smallest, most often over-looked ways
but i know the key to
my quest for joy and happiness
lies in a pink toothbrush and a green blanket
one of which has been discarded
the other is so filthy i may just have to throw it away...
so..i continue
on my quest
for joy and for the bravery that often accompanies reaching out for it
please forgive me
my enormous sentimantalities (is that how you spell that)
im a little emotional from the holidays
and a lot emotional from my life of late
but i wish you all the same things
i know that i deserve and am reaching for
joy, peace, happiness, tranquility and many many smiles
