aaah its snowing
snowing
snowing
still snowing
and it looks so glorious from my living room window
even the projects look magnificent
i love this part of a snow storm
when it's falling in all its gloriousness
when everything seems like its covered in a white
lush cotton blanket
when all noise is muffled
by the thick white endless mist
it feels like pure peace

it's odd for me to say this
but whenever it snows
i remember being at ground zero a few days after september 11th
i looked at the burnt destroyed buildings
and the rescue crews
and the burnt work papers covering the tomb stones
at St. Paul's Church
but the air was so thick with dust
that everything felt muffled
everything felt softened
it was as if we were in a brown and gray snow storm
the endless floating blanket
of dust settled on our faces, our scalps, in the back of our throats
it covered the noise from the machines so we felt as though we were hearing the steady rrrrrrrr thru ear muffs..
maybe it was my need to shut off
or shut down
maybe it was my heart wanting to find some sense of beauty in all the horror
but standing amidst the dust i felt for a moment as though i were standing in the center of a snow storm
i closed my eyes and imagined that all of this death
and destruction could somehow be
cleansed
sanitized
repaired
by a great white wash of snow
but it was not a snow storm
and the longer i stood there
the more it dawned on me
that the dust covering us
muffling the noise
creating an eery sense of calm
contained millions and millions of bits of murdered innocent
people

and now
today
it is snowing
and it is so beautiful
so glorious
so magical
but a part of me
is brought back
is dragged back
to the eerie
brown and black storm
i stood inside
on september 16th..and for the days afterward
when my heart dragged me to the center of death
and i searched.. as perhaps
we all did search
for something
safe
to focus on
to take away
from the madness

snow
snow
soft
lush
protective blanket
so innocent
so pure
so soft
lord
i love the snow

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