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Monday, October 20 Top ten ways you know you're turning into an old crow
ok so ill take a hint from david letterman here so here goes top ten reasons you know you ain't a spring chicken anymore 10)- you're feeling hot and dizzy from too much work and too little food and your friend looks you straight in the face and says.."it may be early menopause" and then does not laugh...at all 9) young men with tattoos on the back of their necks open doors for you 8) you watch the John Travolta biography on T.V. and remember seeing "Grease" in the movie theatres...WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT NOT FOR THE %$#^&(&*^& 25 year anniversary... 7) You actually find yourself saying..."when i was your age" to someone 6) You decide to not go see "Kill Bill" because you're afraid all the blood shed might give you heartburn. 5) You go to see Gina Gershon ( who woke up yesterday and decided to be a rock star) pout and strut and sing Patti Smith meets the pretenders via Joan Jett style music and think to yourself.."Not bad..but the music is too loud...can't they turn it down a notch.." 4) You go to a party and wind up sitting at a table talking to three men in their 80's all night long and find them absolutely enchanting... (FYI it turns out one of them is Tobias Shneebaum (spell?) who got famous for writing "keep the river to the right" about his experience living in the jungle of peru and actually eating human flesh...honey its not often you share sesame noodles with a canibal.. only in new york kids only in new york.. 3) you watch a commercial for female lubrication in the golden years and instead of groaning and changing the channel..you find yourself wondering how much this shit costs...and...how long does it last? 2) you look at photos of yourself when you were young wild and crazy 1) given the choice between hot sex and a great nights sleep....you prefer hot sex but have to think about it for a second....or two.... and there you have it darlins... i figure i have about two weeks till my social security check comes in the mail now where's my Geritol?
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