let me tell you a little bit of what happens
when you put a die hard Manhattanite behind the wheel
honey i learned to drive in New Jersey when i was 15 friggen years old!
i didn't need to know how to parallelle (how the hell do you spell that) park
the jersey shore was one big parking lot
it was like well which spot should i take george
umm how bout that one or that one or that one
so i only get behind the wheel maybe once a year
its always a rent-a-car
and its always a car i have never driven before
it usually takes me full day just to remember how to ^%$#&* drive
so honey do you even want to think of what it was like
when moi
squeezed behind the wheel for the first time in over a year
and then hit rush hour going through the holland tunnel
then on the interstate to go over the george washington bridge to
fort lee??!?!?!
eeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
the first thing i did was clip the fence trying to pull my car out
luckily Luce the tough ass mama who works in the dentist office next door
came running out
"honey don't you worry about nutin..honey...i got a little nail polish remove
and ..meetah!"
like magic the scrape was gone!
but evidently i had not instilled confidence on the block
so hector the plumber from next door pulled the car out for me
i am the blonde bimbo of my block
what can i say?
so in traffic going into the tunnel
my mirror kinda got hooked for a second on this SUV
but luckily the guy was too busy starring at my hooters to care
then i go thru the tunnel
and somehow wind up on 195 going south instead instead of north
so i made a little itty bitty illegal u-turn
where the toll booths were
the toll booth guy said
"no cops now go for it!"
thank god for hooters!!!
so then i am finally going north to the GW bridge
screaming all the way
at the phsycho's almost killing me every five seconds
How the hell do people drive every day
it's scary as shit!
and i somehow wind up going over the GW bridge driving down some road
and then going back over the GW bridge back to Manhattan
and having to turn around and go back over the GW bridge again
to get to Fort Lee
at which point
i missed my street and had to turn around
and went a mile out of my way
and turned around and came back and parked at a Blimpies
and considered crying
until finally
finally
finally i got to my destination
this morning
i clipped the fence again on the way out
and then could not drive thru my block
because of construction
so they guys told me
to back up
BACK UP
all the way to avenue c
zigzagging around all the double parked cars
honey
i can hardly drive going forward
you want me to back up?!?!??!
i ran to hectors building
he was out to lunch
to i dragged david his boss
to the car
and demanded he back it up for me
he did
THANK GOD FOR HOOTERS!
where-upon
i drove to 24th street
nearly hitting
a few pedestrians
returned the ^$#$#^&** car
and hope to
not see the drivers seat of a vehicle
for quite some time
TAXI CITY HERE I COME
holy macaroni
how the hell do you non city folks do it
i mean this shit is scary
and why the hell are those fences always in the way?
