well just back from shelter island
where i took LA C for her birthday surprise
let me see
first off
i picked "Sunset Beach" because it's supposed to be a fabu all-in-one resort
and i did not want La C to have to drive
since miss thang drives like oh 200 miles a day as a rule
i figured we would luxuriate on the private beach
order room service
eat in the french oh so fabuuuu restaurant
sip champagne at the bar
and be so ravishing dahling
well when i made the reservation i made it
VERY clear to the dear sweet man with the un-place-able accent
that i wanted to romance my WOMAN
with food
booze
sun
privacy
and LAmourrrrr
so how amused was i when a few days before we were due to arrive
i get a phone message from a woman
just calling to make sure i knew that the restaurant and bar would be closed
i call back
and say "I beggggg your pardon..."
well darlings naturally i had a rather full fledged &^%$&** which is French for temper tantrum.
they put their manager Alistair on the phone
a lovely man with another un-place able accent
who immediately soothed me
by promising a very
VERY
VERY late check out
at no extra fee
and a bottle of champagne in our room
so Alistair made me a reservation at a sexy French place for her birthday din din
and i made another reservation for her night before din din
and figured
well
Quest cera cera and sue me if i did not spell that right..
because I am not French darling but i play one on TV..
well we arrive
the day after Labor day
thinking things will still be cranking
but evidently
the day after Labor day
if its cold and drizzly
might as well be mid January
in um ALASKA
according to the Shelter island folks
not only was there no one to greet us
at the resort
but the office was closed and there was a note on the door
telling us where our room was
um...huh?
when i got to our room it was locked
and there was not a single staff person around to ask for help
i felt like
oh it was the day after say a small nuclear war
helloo!!
where are all the people?
luckily La C figured out that out note was in fact an envelope with the key in it
and just then Alistair showed up
to once again
soothe my nerves just before a full fledged implosion
he invited us to the staff party that night
staff party??
this did not register at the time..
we felt much better when we entered our room
the room was fabulous
with a private deck
white billowy bed
white TV
white remote
orange spider chair
groovy modern stuff
the champagne ..sadly..was from Long Island not France
damn the one time i really did want something French
but it was drinkable
and the bath was lovely
and we overlooked the fact that the our fridge did not work
and there were no plates or forks
or any other item at all in our kitchenette
we drank our bubbly
and took a bubbly bath
and got dressed and went out for a lovely dinner
at the Chequot Inn ...an old kazillion year old inn, at which we were two of only 5 diners
which was fine with us
the duck was delicious for moi
and the steak for La C
and the cosmopolitan huge and perfect and
YES DAMN IT
i cheated on my diet and had a %#$&&** cosmo!
we retreated to our room for what we thought would be a quiet lovely night in
but guess what
c'est impossible?!
because of yes...
the annual staff party
oh yes
hooting and yelling and hollering
till 3 or 4 in the %$#^&& morning!!
oh my god folks
if you're gonna have a kick ass end-of-the-season-party all night long
then don’t take any reservations!!!
or tell your guests
bonjour do you expect to sleep?
then perhaps go elsewhere..
we did not sleep ...much
but
having been a chef in a seasonal restaurant
i did not have the heart to tell The Sunset Strip folks
to shut the hell up..
so i put a pillow over my head
and dreamed of sunshine
next day
more
rain
cold
and rain
i brought La C croissants and coffee in bed
for her birthday
The Sunset folks were willing to open up for a continental breakfast
no eggs, no cream cheese for La bagel but the pastries were lovely and the coffee strong
or so says La C
i had my usual BORING green tea!
YECH
we explored all over Shelter Island
got lost
saw the same deer 12 times
and after ogling many lovely homes
we could not afford to even sniff at
we wound up at the only place open for lunch
that we could find
The Dory
with a nice back patio overlooking a pond with two huge HUNGRY
swans who ate all our bread
and we both ate greasy fried food
moi fish and chips
La C-fried shrimp
and by the time we got home
to make love
nap and shower
and then go out for the birthday meal
LA C had something
close to food poisoning
she stayed in watching the ceiling spin
and I ate chips and club soda for dinner
because no on ...NO ONE
was at work in the resort
no one to call for say advice on
who to order in from
no one to ask
hello can i have a %$#^& sandwich
nada
nyet
just me
the chips
the soda
and La C moaning in the bed and NOT in a good way..
but i digress
on our last day
we went out for a lovely lunch
in the RAIN
and then stayed for a our late check out
and sampled the appetizers at the FINALLY open
Sunset Strip
and honey
the cosmo tasted like it had no lime or triple sec
the sauce for the spring rolls was as sweet as sorbet which is NOT what you want with a shrimp roll
and i found something small, dead and weird in my salad
that i think was either a huge bug
or a rotten piece of something from somewhere that i don’t want to know about
as a chef
and as well a human
i was rather pissed off at the sunset
although I will admit that Alistair did some great
soothing work on moi...i think he put drugs in my tea..yeah, yeah that's it..
but you know
LA C
loved it
she got all the rest she so dearly needed
she was so tranquil and happy
and we were both so THIN
FROM NOT EATING
that she pronounced it the best birthday ever
and i must say
yes i would go back
the room was lush and lovely
and the beach I’m sure would be wonderful in the sun
but I
would never
EVER go back
the day after labor day
sheeesh
250 bucks a night to be treated like chopped liva?!
It coulda stayed in Manhattan and dressed up like a tourist
if i wanted to be treated like that darlings
