its funny how the many parts of not exactly who we are
but what we are from
or what we believe in
or how we worship
or who we make love to
might not always be front in center in our identity
but put these things in conflict
attack these things
and suddenly we
are a walking waving flag from hell!
take moi for example
obviously i am jewish
hello, if you've read my site even for a few days you know i am a jewisha mama
but i wouldn't exactly say this was front and center for me
my jewishness sat in the background of my soul
waiting to season my life when called upon
( a little nosh my shana madelah)
but then the suicide bombers started
and the world sat up and displayed more blatant anti-semitism
than i could have imagined possible in this day and age
suddenly loving jerusalem
was called racism
suddenly wearing a star of david
meant a possible fist fight
or maybe even a loss of life
and my jewish soul reached out and took over my body
like a great screeching eagle
screee
screee
screeee
let my people go! (picture charleton heston in drag here ok? but no guns)
i've been a new yorker for 22 years
lived in this city during some of its worst years
high crime era in lousy hoods
race riots
homeless riots
you name it
surviving all that gave me a great sense of NYC pride
but i never really, really
got how much of a new yorker i truly was
then 19 bastards highjacked some planes
and two of them plowed into the world trade center
right in front of me
in my backyard
i watched the towers crumble from my roof top
my lower-east-side neighborhood became a war zone
of ventilation masks
police
armed guards
fighter jets
so many people were dead
so many tears
and i emerged
so proud of my motherfucking city that i couldnt even breathe
my new york pride pulsed so loudly that i could hear and think of nothing else
for a year
I wanted to bang on the garbage cans so loudly that the beat would rock my city on
I wanted to sing frank sinatra and bill joel new york songs and scream to the world how proud i was of this place
this concrete oasis
and evidently
i did
i'm gay
probably was since birth since i cant ever remember truly wanting or desiring a man ever...unless you count big bird from sesame street
but i did form some major attachments on women early on
even in the first grade
but being gay was never a big deal for me
i dated men
i dated women
i loved women
the boys did nada for moi
so i woke up when morning at the age of 18
and said
i'm gay
no big drama
no coming out story
all my pals pretty much said
"duh" when i told them
and i went about my life
my gayness also taking a back step
to my sense of self
i never wanted to be gay rossi
i always wanted to be rossi who just so happens to be gay
still do
but lately
with canada about to legalize gay marriage
and the anti-gay sodomy laws being finally
thank god !
reversed
my gayness is out loud
proud
celebrating
dancing in the street
whooping it up
i had no idea that deep inside id felt so
put out
by all this bias
i thought it just rolled off me
but the sense of relief i feel
about finally seeing
some real
validation
makes me want to fly all over this city
all over this country
and yell out to all
as i fly
that life is short
we are all people capable of love
and wonder
we are all equal
we are all beautiful
and we all deserve the same
basic human rights
oh hell what i can say
im a walking hallmark card
happy gay pride week NYC
happy
humanity world
la lallaaaaallalalallala lalalalalal
and oyyyy veyyyyy
awayyyyyyy
