had something of an odd but excellent experience this week
my old pal lauren ( i mean old back to 8th grade old)
asked me to speak to her son's kindergarten class about what it's like to be a caterer
seems these lower-east-side kids are super progressive they're full swing into a culinary exploration that has already included a back room tour of burger king
who can compete with that?
i said
but they wanted me all the same
so i put on my little cheffy outfit
all black, black chef jacket natch ..i am a rebel after all
and i came up with some kid friendly dishes
cheese ravioli and sundried tomato dip
assorted veges and honey mustard dip
and i sat there on the low, low chair
with 17 6 year olds around me
and showed them how to assemble the veges and dip
and had my pal lauren pass around the ravioli
they loved the whole ravioli on a skewer trip
dip the thing in the dip
eat it put the skewer in the lemon
couldn't say a word till they were done with that
anyway
they asked a lot of questions
whats the weirdest thing i ever cooked?
what was the second weirdest thing i ever cooked?
how many ovens did i have
but the thing they all kept asking again and again
was who was my boss
who is the boss? ...I am
but who is the boss of you?... no one
but who is the owner?... i am
but who tells you what to do? I do...
this idea just couldn't register
it was amazing
i tried to figure out why they couldn't accept that i owned the business
and was the one in charge
was it because i am a woman?
was it because the idea of being the one in charge is too big to fathom at 6?
i still don't know why this was so perplexing and will probably have to have a conference with some moms to figure it out
maybe you can tell me
but the really amazing thing that happened was this one kid
who sat in the front row
who was a little younger then the rest
lauren said he was a premature baby and just hadn't quite caught up
they were leaving him back one year
while they other kids were clearly kids
he still retained his baby-hood
he said there wide-eyed and adorable
smiling right into my soul for my entire
presentation
i wanted to scoop him up
at the end of the class
and just run
he was so friggen adorable
i just wanted to be his mom
but of course
he's got a mom
lauren took me to lunch after the class to say thankee
and while we were walking she said
"you know rossi i can tell you're ready to have a kid'
i said..."funny you should say that, cause lately la cubana and i were tossing around the idea of adopting one day.."
she said, "you can just tell when someone is ready..they're open to children in a way that other people are closed.."
it was an interesting concept
and i guess it was true
i did feel open to those 17 cuties
even the one who stuck his hand up with a question every other second
even the one who tried to eat half the ravioli
i can't imagine trying to adopt now
a single gay mom
in a one bedroom apartment
but its a great thing to gravitate towards
get the two bedroom
try to become more financially secure
work out the kinks with la cubana to see if she can really be
a ...dad?
yeah... a dad
cause clearly
im the mama
i mean hello
i am so mama its scary
shit
having a kid would probably be the best thing i could do for my friends
since i mommy them all the time
and these two fat 15 year old cats
aren't going to last forever
i've had some practice with my nephew andrew
who i was mommy number two for on weekends in his early baby-hood years
and with my god-daughter zora
who i get to be mommy number two for
on birthdays and every summer for a few days in greenport long island
and every time i can in between
i know i cant do it alone
hey
im a selfish, crazy, hormonal, wack job
ill need all the help i can get
and i know working 15 hour kitchen shifts isn't gonna spread the peanut butter either
but its something to think about
now all i have to do is sit la cubana down
and make her sign a few documents
oh you know the one
in which she promises to
be there for this child for the next 30 years
and the one in which she promises to pay half the bills for the next 21 years
and the one in which she promises to wash the dishes and change the diapers
half the time for the next 21 years
and the one in which she promises to do all the tom-boy or boy things
but also all the manicure and frilly girl things
and leave me to do the in the middle things for the next 21 years
ok ok
i have issues
hey
im working out the kinks here
give me time
meanwhile
maybe i can just go back to that classroom and snag that little boy
no one would notice right?
we could just start a life together me and the kid
in say
tahiti
im sure it would be fine with his mom
don't ya think?
