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Thursday, January 23 good bad or something in between
Just watched Spider Man What can I say I'M A FREAK! Anyway, I was thinking about the scene where William Defoe's creepy villain The Goblin is asking Spidey to make a choice. Be a hero and see how thankless people are, or just say, what the fuck and be a villain where all the fun is at. Spidey opted for the first choice.. natch, but the whole scene got me to thinking... I've always felt like the last of the good guys...the one wearing the white hat and all that sorta thing. My friends will tell you I'm honest to a flaw. ..definately to a flaw trust me on that. I like to think I'm generous, kind, brave, giving. But the way the world is going lately...I'm made more and more aware of how not pure and not good I really am. I started out caring deeply about the Palestinian plight or at least trying to. Now when I hear the word Palestinian all I can think of is the murder of innocents. I don't see their victim-hood I see dead children on a blown up bus. I've lost my openness, my willingness to hear every side of the story. I think of the possible war against Iraq and I want to care so much for all the innocent lives at stake but all I can see is Saddam with his snickering smile as he pushes the button sending a missile to Jerusalem....or New York. I don't feel like the white hat cowboy anymore. I think my hat is turning grey. Most of the hats I see out there aren't black or white anymore. They're something in between. A lot of them are red. I'm frightened not so much of the bad people out there, but of me not feeling as far removed from them as I used to. War, terrorism.. these things kill but they also do something far more dangerous; they make us less. They dampen our kindness. I want to feel like Spider Man. I want to know that I'm riding with the good guys ...even if I ride alone.
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