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Yesterday I found out that my friend Paul's baby brother, David, died of a heart attack at the age of 40.

The heart attack was brought on by him smoking crack.

The last time and the only time I met David was at Paul's wedding last year. I opted for playing in the grass with my god-daughter instead of joining the merriment of the wedding crowd inside. David decided to hang outside, too. He seemed like a sweet, down-to-earth guy. I liked him instantly.

Tray and M came outside with wine and we all filled our plastic cups and watched Zora chasing bumblebees. It was a peaceful, lovely afternoon. The sun was just right.

"I really like Paul's brother," I said to Tray.

"Yes," she responded thoughtfully, "but he's got some demons chasing him."

I didn't understand then what she meant: that he was hardcore addict and had been for all of his adult life.

I didn't know him, except as Paul's cute baby brother, but I find myself in this strange place thinking about spending that lovely afternoon in the sun with him and now finding out he's dead.

There is something eerie and bittersweet about this seemingly easy-going guy who shared a few hours with me on a special day and now is gone forever.

I can't imagine how Paul must feel right now, or maybe I can.

"Life is short, so live it!"

This is the mantra I hear in my head.

Joanna and I were talking about all the little subtle things that have changed inside us since September 11th. She said she cries at movies much more easily now. It's as if some of those protective layers have been peeled off.

I guess I'd have to say the same. I'm much more easily pushed to tears now. I can well up at a sappy commercial. Breakfast cereals seem to really get to me.

I pet my cats more. I find myself waking them up when they're fast asleep just to squeeze them. I think maybe they think I'm annoying as hell.

But they're 13 years old, both of them. How much longer do I have with my two friends, these two little furry things that have been with me through the best and the worst of times.

People die.

People get married.

Babies are born.

Jobs are lost.

Eras end.

Eras begin.

Today, just for this one day, for this one special day, let me experience something precious.

Today is a beautiful word.

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