Things have a way of happening to me on unscheduled days ... like the time I was meandering around the East Village in search of this thing called breakfast. It was two in the afternoon, rather early for my morning feed, and a six-foot iguana came flying out or nowhere and landed on the stretch of Avenue B in front of me. The creature had evidentially managed to push its way through a child's guard (they're for children not dinosaurs your freaks) and plummeted onto the sidewalk like some sad Spielberg joke.
There it was, hissing and licking and crawling about while a crowd of the usual local mishmash (three Puerto Rican kids, two pink-haired teen-agers, four yuppies trying to look downtown-hip and failing miserably, one artist with dog, one lesbian with no visible back pack, but several facial piercings and two gay men who didn't -- GASP -- work out) looked on in an amazement that would grow into mild boredom in just a few New York minutes.
Oh we are such a fickle bunch here in NYC, but it's the edge, edge, edge that we love ... isn't it?
Ultimately, the iguana was just fine. It was roped rodeo-style and left to scare off the customers of an import music store till Mommy and Daddy came home.
I had breakfast at about 3:30 and chalked it up to another one of the many oddities that are thrown at me on, as I mentioned, unscheduled days. Don't know why the eggs looked green.
Unscheduled days for moi, FYI, are pretty often.
So this weekend, on my unscheduled Labor Day, I decided to meander over to see "Planet of the Apes" since none of my very scheduled pals had gotten around to seeing it with me and I was still mortified about the fact that I finally saw "Crouching Tiger Hidden ... what was it ... Muffin" on Pay-Per-View.
Somewhere along 12th Street, or was it 13th or 11th ... who's counting? ... I saw a crowd of college chicks, attacking a table of magazines like it was a post-Christmas sample sale. There towering above them all was one very crummy looking geezer who kept screaming, "Take them all! They're freeeee! I need the room! I need the damn roooooooooom!"
Free is a very sexy word don't you think?? Come to think of it, in New York, so is room.
So I joined the crowd and very delicately elbowed and kicked my way in until I had managed to grab 14 Saturday Evening Posts from 1962!! Wooo. So what's a little blood under my fingernails for some free vintage mags, anyway?
They were great! There was the one written about Vietnam from the "Come over and join a war cause they, really, really need us perspective." The cool car commercials (slurp 1962 Corvettes ... yum) and my personal fave, "The new and amazing resilient tile made out of ASBESTOS"
Re-do your kitchen today!!
Of course I became completely obsessed and almost missed "Apes" while reading with great interest the interview with Rosalind Russell. ... Yes I know you have no idea who the hell she is. Listen!! I'm not old enough to know about her either damn it!! Unless you count that brief fixation with "Auntie Mame" movies, but she's fabulous trust me and had evidentially been in like 45 films and still found time to garden, mix a perfect martini and make her hubby happy. … Now there's a woman!
Speaking of women's lib ... I love that in the ape flick...Helena Bonham Carter is supposed to be like 10 times stronger than a human or former Calvin Klein model, but she still needs Marky Mark to save her like the lil hairy damsel in distress she is.
She's a giant ape for crying out loud! She doesn't need a man!! She needs electrolysis!
Did love the interspecies kiss between Marky Mark and Chimpy Chimp, but did anyone other than then myself notice how incredibly lousy that ending was … oops won't ruin it for y'all but trust me the Saturday Evening Posts were far more invigorating.
I really don't like walking out of movie theatres feeling like I read the wrong subtitles, especially when there weren't any.
Personally I loved the old "Planet of the Apes" flicks and yes, now I surely am dating myself, (and why not I'm fabulous on a date). Was a huge Heston fan, too, until he caught that nasty little gun habit ... story of my life.
Well, time to go. I hear my Saturday Evening Posts calling me.
Here, Rossi, come drool over this early '60s stereo system with matching coffee table and love-seat.
Don't forget to polish up your shiny new asbestos floor!!
And there you have it ...
One small rant for moi
One giant "What the ...." for y'all
